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How to handle fear during divorce

By: Leigh B. Sellers, NC Board Certified Specialist in Family Law

Licensed in North and South Carolina

Fear can affect your divorce in numerous ways. Admittedly, there is a lot to be afraid of when you separate or divorce.

People are scared of what their futures will look like. They are afraid that they will not have enough money in the end to meet their needs. They are scared of how the process will impact their children. They are afraid of losing their property. They are afraid of being alone. They are scared of the court process. They are afraid to trust a lawyer. They are afraid of losing control. Some people cannot even see a future beyond the divorce. All of these fears are reasonable, and it is tempting to give into the fear. It is easy to let fear cloud your judgment or paralyze you.

But, you can survive a divorce or separation. You can move through the process with confidence in your future and in your decisions, instead of focusing on what is being dismantled. You should focus on what you are going to build in its place. While it can be difficult, it is an amazing shift that can change the way you perceive what is happening around you during a divorce and separation. I often try to have clients imagine the improvements they can make in their new lives.

I recently attended a wonderful talk on the concept of “broken,” and I took away some important points. We often look at “broken” as a bad concept: broken hearted, broken home, broken promise, broken down. But sometimes broken is a positive concept: a break through, a breakout star, a big break. When something is broken, you have a chance to fix it – even to improve it. When something is broken, you can discard it and replace it with something better.

So, when you are gripped with fear of the unknown, try to imagine and invent what you want the future to be and then start to build it. You will find that shifting your focus to the future, instead of the past, will help you to move through the process with confidence. Of course, you will still mourn some of the things that you are losing. But, you will also see something new and worthwhile that you are gaining that was perhaps not possible or not attainable in your pre-divorce/separation life. Best of all, your decisions during the process will be much sounder if they are not rooted in and driven by your fears.

Have questions about divorce? Contact Krusch Divorce Resolution today to schedule a consultation with one of our experienced Charlotte family law attorneys. Our office can be reached at 704-556-0707.

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