Reading Materials

Please consult the following for topical information on a variety of areas.

• Children's Bill of Rights
• The Ten Commandments for Single Parents
• Easing the Impact of Divorce
• Suggested Reading Resources

Children's Bill of Rights

When Parents Are Not Together

Every kid has rights, particularly when mom and dad are splitting up. Below are some things parents shouldn't forget - and kids shouldn't let them -- when the family is in the midst of a break-up.

• You have the right to love both your parents. You also have the right to be loved by both of them. That means you shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to see your dad or your mom at any time. It's important for you to have both parents in your life, particularly during difficult times such as the break-up of your parents.
• You do not have to choose one parent over the other. If you have an opinion about which parent you want to live with, let it be known. But nobody can force you to make that choice. If your parents can't work it out, a judge may make the decision for them.
• You're entitled to all the feelings you're having. Don't be embarrassed by what you're feeling. It is scary when your parents break up, and you're allowed to be scared. Or angry. Or sad. Or whatever.
• You have the right to be In a safe environment. This means that nobody is allowed to put you in danger, either physically or emotionally. If one of your parents is hurting you, tell someone - either your other parent or a trusted adult like a teacher.
• You don't belong In the middle of your parents' break-up. Sometimes your parents may get so caught up in their own problems that they forget that you're just a kid, and that you can't handle their adult worries. If they start putting you in the middle of their dispute, remind them that it's their fight, not yours.
• Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are still part of your life. Even if you're living with one parent, you can still see relatives on your other parent's side. You'll always be a part of their lives, even if your parents aren't together anymore.
• You have the right to be a child. Kids shouldn't worry about adult problems. Concentrate on your schoolwork, your friends, activities, etc. Your mom and dad just need your love. They can handle the rest.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND DON'T BLAME YOURSELF.

The Ten Commandments for Single Parents

1. Thou shalt not be afraid to ask for help from anyone at any time (because the offers sure won't come in by themselves).
2. Thou shalt bring joy into your home no matter what, for joy is free and available to all.
3. Thou shalt realize that this too shall pass, so try to enjoy and make the most out of your life. Sooner than you think, these children will be grown and, believe it or not, you will miss these years with them.
4. Thou shalt try not to speak ill of your ex in front of the kids, for if you do so, it hurts their hearts and souls. If you need to get your anger out, talk to your friends or a therapist out of earshot of the little ones.
5. Thou shalt love your children with all your heart, even when they are occasionally monsters.
6. Thou shalt develop a great sense of humor (if you don't already have one). It is surely the only way you will survive.
7. Thou shalt believe with all your heart and mind that poverty and single parenthood do not have to go hand in hand and that dreams can still come true.
8. Thou shalt be gentle with yourself, take care of yourself, and remember you are doing a super-human job. This will help you to be a better parent.
9. Thou shalt think of yourself as a hero, a star, an outstanding athlete in the sport/epic of single parenthood, and, no matter what, the show must go on!
10. Thou shalt try and remember always that you are not alone and that the rewards of raising a loving child are gifts given to you from God.
    
    

Easing the Impact of Divorce

Advice from America's best experts on divorce and the family:

• Recognize that divorce is not something that has to be settled only once, when the break-up occurs. Children, even adult ones, have a recurring need for information and support at life's major developmental passages.
• Go out of your way to maintain vigilance and support as a parent. Divorce makes children feel the fragility of emotional bonds.
  
• After divorce, children are even more in need of what they couldn't get before: a sense of their two parents collaborating on their behalf. Continuing conflict is a stress that can derail development.
  
• Keep your children connected to the extended family of the noncustodial parent; they need aunts and uncles and grandparents. Think of it as social capital: The more they have, the easier life is for everyone.
  
• As children head into adolescence and beyond, explain generally not in sordid detail - why your marriage broke up. Telling the kids about mistakes you made actually helps them feel hopeful.
  
• Step up the supervision in adolescence. Speak up - always respectfully, with explanation - if you think your children's regular friends or romantic partners are unsuitable.
  

Suggested Reading Resources

• Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House Or Dad's?
  By Marc J. Ackerman MD
  
  
• The Parents Book About Divorce
  By Richard A. Gardner MD
  
  
• Helping Your Grandchildren Through Their Parents Divorce
  By Joan Scharager Cohen
  
  
• The Essential Grandparents Guide To Divorce
  Making A Difference In The Family
  By Dr. Lillian Carson
  
  
• Divorced But Still My Parents
  By Shirley Thomas Ph.D. and Dorothy Rankin
  
  
• Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce
  By M. Gary Neuman
  
  
• How It Feels When Parents Divorce
  By Jill Krementz